He toold me that when we were younger I was his boner buddy.
you are my new fav person for making him do the walk of shame in pink footie pajamas!
There are 3 pics of me on my camera, naked, wearing only an apron, scooping ice cream.
There were gay boys and a jukebox. It was like god wanted me to.
Typcal friday morning so far. Puke, shower, commute/puke, coffee, puke, coffee, bagel, good to go. Lunch today?
I made him a flow chart of what to do if I got arrested.
Called my ex last night, told her I wanted to bang like we use too, her fiance was in the car, I was on speaker phone. NO MORE TEQUILA!
Did she say Ok?
so when our kids ask "when did you know you loved mommy?" you're gonna say "when she sent me emoticons about slobbing on my knob?"
Her family was right next to mine during christmas eve mass. Between the terrifying glares and her trying to set my sleeve on fire during the candle part I am VERY sure she knows im fucking her ex...
antibiotics and champagne: breakfast of champions
I don't know if it is the Everclear or chemistry, but i think my brain is coming out of my ears.
When you wake up on the bus on 139th but you're staying at 6th
133 to go
They found me wandering around campus screaming body shots over and over again wrapped in a curtain
I saw a penis covered in glitter tonight.
It just makes sense. It's like I end a relationship, and wash myself of sin... with tequila.
Randomize
