Why is it that every time I type the word "give" my phone spells out HIV?! You know how many people i've told I want to HIV them something!
Ok never mind. Thought i pooped my pants for a second. False alarm.
Im in Brooklyn, he wasnt 23 or a musician pick me up
don't get me wrong, i love how you're fun and free spirited. but there are some situations...like shooting down a bottle of sambuca standing in the shallow end topless surrounded by my friends
He's trying to row the canoe up my front yard like he is Lewis and Clark.
I think the best part was when you jumped over me naked.
She texted me shhh....im drunk, secret booty call...how could i say no?
New low, passed out while taking a shit for an hour with my parents home, suprised they didnt notice
He wants me to have his first child. So that makes four gay men that've called dibs on my eggs.
i feel like when you brought up the possibility of you getting pregnant the sexting is over
I felt like I was selling my soul to satan but then I realized I already pawned it for drug money
Leave it to me to pull up my boyfriend’s grandfather’s obituary just to find out the name of his sister.
Fantasizing about the apocalypse is fun and shit until the conditions that could lead to one suddenly seem feasible
She started waving a nerf rifle around and demanding free booze.
Woke up at 5am in an elevator... Pretty much tells you how my weekend went.
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