'in an unhealthy relationship' should def be an fb option
either she said she was feeling frisky or eating friskies..i was too drunk to understand.
she broke up with me and one of her excuses was constant soreness... should I be sad or proud?
after watching ten minutes of "the decision," I conclude that King Lebron has more influence on America than Barak Obama. I love our countries values.
She says she'll teach me how to make her squirt tonight so yea, I'm bailing again. I'm not sayin sorry since you don't have a better offer.
dude you need a shock collar for some of the things you say when you're drunk.
The nurse who handed me my discharge papers underlined and highlighted do not consume alcohol while on my painkiller its like she knows me.
And our DD is passed out in the bathtub with the curtain closed. What happened tonight
As I type I'm climbing my cousins swingset so I can take a nap inside the slide. Fuck this hangover. I always win.
he got all sad that i was going to fuck his roommate, so i just asked him if it would make him feel better if I let him motor boat me. i am such a saint.
He also turned out to be underage (the fucking liar) so we had to get drunk on cooking sherry
Pack light, we're going straight to bar from the train. No place to put our shit.
Dude all I'm bringing is my dick and a phone charger.
Banana suit guy has an entourage and they're all douchebags. There is no god.
All I wanted was a good weekend full of booze, laughs, and maybe some penis. Instead, someone is in the hospital, I didn't sleep at all last night. And not because I got laid.
I just described cereal to my mother as "acoustic breakfast soup".
who is this
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