You gave me the wrong number last night so I texted someone else something I definitely shouldn't have.
Just saw a girl in a wheelchair puke then rally. Diversity matters.
May or may not have just drunkenly opened my christmas presents. Greatly disappointed. Might break up sooner.
I may have just googled Muppet Treasure Island drinking game
I feel like I've been slapped by Gods icy cold dick of vengeance.
it's like his penis is God's way of saying "sorry about his face"
at what point did you think saran wrap was a better alternative to shoes?
yeah a little bit of me felt bad about it. But the rest of me was having sex with him.
We are getting high tomorrow and being statues at the cafeteria. Come find us.
I feel like everyone in class can tell we had a threesome last weekend.
You woke up, mumbled something about forgetting to lock the truck at work, slapped my ass, then passed out again...
My uterus is doing all sorts of karate moves to break free of my body.
Willing booties have sort of a tractor beam for me.
His weed is so good that I don't wanna risk loosing him as my weed man so I plan to keep him in the friend zone 😂
we are the best best friends ever. You had sex in an ice cream truck I had sex in a fire truck
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