I look better un-naked...
It was my first time buying condoms at the liquor store... I was nervous and there were quite a few people, so I tried to do it as quickly and quietly as possible. When I got to the Indian cashier, he took one look at them and said loudly, "Ohhh you gonna get it on tonight, ah?!"
I'd really appreciate it if we could dress up as pilgrims and indians for the thanksgiving eve bar crawl
maybe you should do the old hyperventilate, take a shot of vodka, sniff someone's hair trick
He insisted he brought his alarm clock everywhere, and then the girl screamed "fuck French people!"
Dont care what i do tnt just as long as i get to chug a beer in somebodys face
You woke me up at 2 am to tell me I could pee in a golf club if I wanted to.
Excuse me, but I got friendzoned and all I could think about was the fact that I didn't have my underwear back on yet.
someone cut his neck open pretty bad with a broken beer bottle. We were so close to his house that we carried him home, but when we got there he casually laid on his bed and said he was just gonna sleep it off. WHO DOES THAT
I think I'd be more bothered by his cross dressing if I wasn't secretly into women..,
Nothing says "we're never gonna bone" like "nice haircut, it makes you look like my cousin"
I just want to sit my fat ass down at McDonald's and never leave
I’m pretty sure I have teeth marks on my neck
What can I say, like your penis. The fact that I like the person attached to it helps too
"They won't do it. I'm in the middle of darkness. " and "Probably going to die. I've been walking for 50 minutes in one direction" are the last texts I got from Steve
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