I woke up on the side of the highway to the ppl in orange jumpsuits cleaning to comunity service. Not sure which freaked them out more... Finding a dead b ody or me not being dead
it was 5AM and you were field goal kicking solo cups into the sink
No, the sea-green pills were klonopin, the bright blue ones are adderall. you're probably going to have to adjust your plans for the day.
When I look at old family photos I know how jessica simpson feels when she watches dukes of hazzard
Was that picture taken before or after I supposedly punched him in the face?
I finally looked at the pictures from last night thanks for feeding me and pulling my pants up
Uhm; your sign says 'Welcome to KFC' and for some reason I can't seem to open the door.
Don't forget ur talking to the master juggler. Remember that time I slept with 3 guys and made them all pay for plan b? Paid the rent didn't I?
You can't just say you're dying of terminal cancer everytime they try to card you
Just tried to do a line with a snorkel I cut off... that is how my Aruba trip is going!
I had fresh baked oatmeal cookies, tacos AND was on deck to give a stellar blow job. You'd think that'd be a win/win/win situation.
We're meant to be. Apparently God wants me to get dicked down pretty good too so I'm not complaining about destiny
Your grandma found me sleeping in my car this morning, and she wanted me to tell you she was going to church... Also, last night was amazing.
Two grav bong hits and a shower later and I'm ready for company
It's like you say things that speak to my soul on a deep personal level
he bought me ice cream then took me home and fucked the shit outta me. you can't write this kinda romance.
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