i don't have fun when you have fun. i have embarrassment, fear, and significantly less cash in my wallet.
No I'm not okay I had a crush on the singer of Tokio Hotel for four months and now you tell me he's a dude?
I can't remember much about walking home last night. I think I kicked a dog.
You gave the cab driver your pants as collateral while you ran in the house for money.
No, I've only ever seen his brother's dick. So when I have lucid sex dreams, I just do a little cut and paste in my mind and stick his bro's package onto him.
I really gotta be careful. My email inbox is equal parts notifications from instructors and this dude's dick. If I get drunk and reply to the wrong thing I might get kicked out of grad school.
He was twisted. Literally. It's like God took his dick with a pair of pliers and gave it a half twist to the left.
We got out of the car in valet drinking beers we gave the valet one as a tip
Just blew a guy who had the same phone case as me. It was destiny.
I just busted my piggy bank to afford McDonald's. This is my personal cry for help.
Just heard a girl ask "Wait you're not my boyfriend?!" to a guy wearing the Mickey to her Minnie Mouse on my way home. Made me feel better about myself.
He kept telling me that it stood for Sex Utility Vehicle
He has great taste in girls. I feel closer to my Eskimo sisters than my real sister...
I feel like your personal Bdsm barbie...
Double high-fived his wife and her sister on the way out. If I'm not the best mistress ever tell me how.
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