does your mom think i'm crazy? i just realized i played both the gay dad and the ex-jew card tonight. i blame the wine
I wonder if all of the nights I blacked out will be revealed to me when I die. Have you ever thought about that?
I'm 99% sure that for 3 hours I thought you were British. We must smoke that again.
so i was eating a special k bar this morning for breakfast and started choking on it so i reached into my bag for water turns out it was liquor.
your cum blends into my yellow sheets :/
bottle of wine in one hand cigar in the other. 5 am. topless on our fire escape. and she cleaned our bathroom... i like his new girlfriend.
Yeah, the furnace guy just pulled out 4 empty and 1 full beer bottle from the vent. You are no longer allowed over.
I woke up tied to the door handle with reindeer patterned socks. You can tell it's Christmas.
Is valentines day the worst or best day to ask for a threesome? I'm weighing some options on this high-risk manoeuvre.
Worst walk of shame man. They had a fire drill at 7am, had to walk out of her all girl dorm wearing my Everday I'm Hustling sweater
Nahh no judgin. Compliments to the balls are always heartfelt
Every time I start to trust vodka, it does this to me.
I walked out ot my car in the morning thinking there was a sandwich I left there from yesterday. Then later that day I was checking the mail and saw the other side of my car :/
It concerns me the most that u were potentially going to eat a day old car sandwich.
I described my life as a 7 layer cake of death
It may be a corded vibrator from the 90s but it gets the job DONE
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