Remember that dream I told you about where I shit out my own skeleton? I had it again last night.
Turned in a paper today on drug abuse. Chose to write about percocet. Just realized I started 2 sentences with "This amazing drug"
I'm starting therapy this week.. Taylor Swift music isn't cutting it for me anymore
I walked downstairs and there were 50 sorority girls. I wasn't expecting an audience during my walk of shame.
i think you ate grass..but you refused to open your mouth so we could see..
She bought a fucking hedgehog. And that's just the tip of the crazy iceberg.
The usual. Woke up on a dog bed with peeps and $11.
Attention: due to the power outage we will not be playing drinking games and watching the royal wedding. Bring your own bottle and we'll just drink in silence.
Why doesn't the washer have a puke setting?
Dude. I knoww what ur thinking. Yes, your hand hurts. It's because you fell through a window. If and when you wake up, go to the hospital.
Just had an hour long talk with a woman, turns out she's the mom of the guy i lost my virginity to. Even better his dog was also present.. Meeting the family at its best?
im sleeping with a therapist...so you can talk to me.
The cops just came to this party I'm at and ate all of our snacks
Dude just crushed our bbq lays and told us to quiet down
You can wear anything you want
So... Naked it is then
Do you think telling guys I'm majoring in magic is a good pickup line?
Randomize
