he wasnt into me til he saw how good i was at ms pacman. wtf why does this always happen? when she kisses pacman it was a little awkward, so i made my move. i went for more than one kind of banana last night!
I hope you have a really shitty weekend. I love you.
And then I watched some old guy get arrested for meeting some other old guy for a blow job. It was epic.
Im dancing with my grandma to Low right now at the wedding. There's no coming back from this.
i was way too optimistic last night... got back to my apartment and the porch light was still on, like i'd actually make it all the way home.
She is trying to turtle bite me and when I pull away she says just let it happen. Then she pulled a poptart out of nowhere
And don't worry, my exact words were "I can't believe a baby came outta that thing"
Did you hook up with him before or after he shaved off half of his eyebrow?
I started crying then my dog licked his dick so yeah.. Kind of ruined the moment.
It was like coming out my mothers vagina again in slow motion
List 10 things your GF won't do for you, and we can work through that list.
We don't have paper towels so I microwaved a spinach/egg sandwich thingy wrapped in toilet paper. Toilet paper. so that's how my day started.
Just saw a dude take a shot in the parking lot in his car. Too early in the semester for that
Do you think it would be a margarita if you just out tequila in a sonic slush?
Doing blow in the bathroom isnt the same without you
Do a rail off the baby station in my honor
Randomize
