I don't think the people up for their 8am class were as impressed with how many beads i got last night as we were.
If you're trying to piece together your night, I can tell you where those tassels came from.
Mom just Facebook checked into an Applebees at 2am. Caption: ''WITH THE BESTIEZ.''
i was just offered a 40 day sex challenge. prepare for the best 40 days of your life.
oh. my. god. yes.
We were dancing and she was clawing my stomach like a fat kid getting to a half broken pinata.
I woke up on your bathroom floor, i used your towel I found laying on the floor as a cape to get to your bed. I thought it would help me walk straight if I looked like a superhero
She's dipping the chocolate graham crackers in marshmallow vodka for a 'campfire taste'
I can't ever date him again. Whenever I see his face I just remember helplessly pissing myself in my car.
I know you all think its cute to drop me off in a different state when I black out, but I can't wake up in family campgrounds asking where I am. These parents are scared.
Yo this huge scar on my head from the car accident is truly a vag magnet. Probably because I'm telling people I was attacked by a mountain lion and killed it with my bare hands. But hey when life gives you lemons, you use them to get pussy
Let's knock shit down like godzilla and have intense sex in the rubble
I'm high. ignore me
I'm so hung over that I'm pretty sure I can feel the earth's rotations when I close my eyes.
Her cop pants made me imagine I was riding a unicorn and by unicorn I mean her face
Text me some of your sweat
Come on baby if you haven't had a Charleston chew eatin out of your ass you just ain't livin right.
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