my drunk step mom just informed me my dad likes reverse cowgirl. Please god kill me.
Pretty sure I only gave out my other # though. You know, 777 777-7777
Hahaha. So was it a Freudian slip, or wishful thinking? ;)
Could be either seeing as you're in my phone as "3rd bar" and I couldn't pick you outta a line up.
It's not called being bisexual its called making out with anyone that has a mouth
he turned two sober chicks into 7 drunken girls...he's my hero
Siri just reminded me to pickup Plan B
Every time I stand up, gravity punches me in the tits. This is horrible.
Grandma can hear your bong from the living room, please be more quiet. Love mom.
if I open my eyes, my head will explode. that hungover.
We had a deepthroating contest with breadsticks at Olive Garden
When did i become the Rickety Cricket of my own life?
Are we gonna talk about that cunnilingus snap
He stopped me mid blowjob and asked me to take off my hat. He said it made him feel like Neil Young was going down on him.
He sent me a dick pic. I am fighting the urge to send him a "sorry for your loss" card.
I went from swearing off of sex to planning a threesome. It's been a rollercoaster of a day.
I guess daylight savings isn't a holiday we need to celebrate for three days...
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