You left a skid on my bar stool!!!!
Oops! Sorry about getting stool on your stool!
So can we just skip dinner and I'll just pay you for a blowjob?
Don't tempt me, I need beer money.
she gave me a handjob while we were watching elf.... it's that time of year again!!
Amanda Bynes on the cover of maxim is my 8th grade masturbation fantasy come to life
At least he could have found a MILF, she's a dbl bagger. No wonder he goes to counseling.
Yeah..you can't spell Prozac without Zac(h).
laying on floor next to bathroom with vent on to give myself comfort and remind me that im not going deaf. what did i smoke?
Bro she gave me the stare. It's like she boned me with her eyes. I'm going in.
Your ankle brace is here and the saw is charged. Grab some vodka that cast is coming off tonight.
There was a selfie of you in the dark pointing at the camera with a duck face. You sent it to my 60 year old mother with the caption "you behave"
Oh okay. That's fine. I'll buy us both dinner when you bail me out
It's a post jail date
Someone put a huge skyy vodka bottle in our washing machine. My roommate didn't see it and ran it. The washing machine split in two. #life
I may or may not be sitting in a bubble bath drinking wine, watching Jurassic park, and wearing a Russian fur hat.
i'm so glad to be in bed i'd like to thank the acadermy
Good luck. While you're suffocating on a dick, I'll be eating pizza rolls. Being a good girl.
I did not pay that kind of money so that It could be hidden. that bra needs to shine in glory so that it can be seen by the world.
Randomize
