i just saw a foot job.
porn is incredible...
Answer the phone when I call you in a second. Just got pulled over for getting road head, going to secretly put you on speaker phone, this should be good
Dear yesterdays makeup, Thank you for always being there when I stay up late binge drinking on weeknights and am running late to work Friday morning. You're the best.
just woke up COVERED in glow sticks and glitter. didn't even have to turn the light on to puke.
Sweet and genuine is kinda lame. I'm more of a bust all over your face and hair kinda guy.
Uhm the hair is off limits bro, conditioner can only go so far.
Bro? You just made it a target.
I am way too attached to fictional lesbians.
FridayRule: If it takes you longer than 5 minutes to find a parking spot, you don't have class today
You insisted that your middle name was "velociraptor" for 20 minutes and every time someone said something you tried to relate it to velociraptors. That kind of drunk.
She has that type of face she reminds me of that weird girl from napoleon dynamite only taller and with hoop earrings.
I somehow turned head, shoulders, knees, and toes into a sobriety test
It's hard not to feel like a terrible person with bruises on your tits.
Thank you, my gorgeous heroine, for being such a total life-saver by giving me rides, forcing me to eat, providing porous absorbant surfaces to bleed on, and everything else you do <3
I really wanna treat my body good. Because i plan on doing drugs
its liver damage thursday
I would but he’s not speaking to me because I put ketchup in his socks.
Randomize