so evidently yelling "gay" everytime your bf tells you how he feels is cause for breakup. news to me
you used progresso chicken soup as a mixer last night
So let me get this straight. You would sleep with an uncircumcised guy whose name you didn't know, but you won't try the new shrimp taco from taco bell?
No joke. Last we saw of him he was naked and dragging that stupid goat into the bushes.
He was completely serious when he said my boobs were like "majestic white clouds."
But fine, we can play that game. You can come over and we can have totally platonic, long, boring discussions. Or we can fuck. Whatever.
The guy I fucked in San Diego is camping with us for coachella... Awk.
I will also take that commission in the form of weed. Pass that on to the asst. manager.
He's texting from midnight mass asking for nude pics. Baby Jesus is spinning in his manger as we speak
You yelled "I gave my neighbor some of my bitch sauce" and then passed out. You now have drinking limits with us.
I'm never drinking again. I saw way more penises than I ever cared to see last night. And I've decided that I'm going to live in Scotland.
I need an explanation for both of these epiphanies.
omg sorry but i tried to stop you when you were at your drunk limit but i took my eyes off you for like 2 seconds and you suddenly appeared with hard liquor in both hands for yourself and downed them and it was downhill from there
I just got high and swiffered the bathroom floor....2 for 2 on brilliant life ideas
A seagull just tried to steal my cellphone
He cut off part of his middle finger playing the knife game while singing The Knife Game Song at the top of his lungs. He also scream like a girl when his finger hit the floor and he realized he fucked up.
Randomize
