best thing about halloween? there are pumpkins to puke in EVERYWHERE!
I cant believe Lindsay Lohan feels like this every day
super high. so of course there was a shoot out at the bank. there are 20 cop cars no lie. if i make it out of this i will never smoke again
no more heavy drinking durning the lady that cleans the office told me i have to emtpy my own thrash if i puke in it
Fuck. I'm going to pass the savings right on to the strippers. It's trickle down economics.
i tried to knight her with my dick. she said it was unromantic. what an ungrateful attitude for a knight.
and somewhere between crying in her arms and throwing up in her front yard, we became friends.
Uhh... I think I meant "Be proud, I'm taking shots before my public speaking test." "Coffee and vodka is not good" and "Also, I'm giving blood drunk."
I had a dream about a vibrator with 42 different settings. If that's not a good indication I need to get laid, I don't know what is
Between the uncertainly of my bowels today, and the distance the bar is to my house, remember I am doing this for you and our mutual appreciation of alcoholism.
Just spread butter on my bathrobe. This has been an ace morning.
maybe if I avoid him long enough we could skip the talking part of "we need to talk"
You kept pointing at me and saying I'm getting chicken parmesan and no one is going to stop me
I sent him home with blood on his fingers and shame in his heart.
It was all going good until I realized she was wearing underwear with a butt flap. Mission aborted.
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