She kept calling me her DD, which I assumed meant designated driver, so I was confused because I don't even have a car. Found out later it means designated dick. It's what her and her friends use as code for the guy they want to hook up with at the end of the night. I feel so used.
My grandma just told me that she sharted, no I am not having fun in El Paso.
I just blew my nose and little bits of weed came out.
waking up outside has become so normal, the paper boy knows to set the paper next to me
All I remember is yelling RUN as fireworks started going off in the kitchen. Who said that was a bad idea?
I don't know, But i remember him licking ecstasy off my boobs and my boyfriend cheering him on
I would ask why there is a chair tied to the door of the fridge.. but I am not sure anyone knows the answer.
Honey, I don't care how "classic you" this is. It's not gonna matter if we can't find you in the morning.
just gonna show up naked this time. that way i dont have to worry about finding my clothes tomorrow
I had very briefly met him a few years ago. My friend was tired of hearing us both complain about being horny. She figured she would fuck two birds with one stone.
Judging by your snapchat you're totally working on your project and definitely not singing, "The Sign" while shirtless with another man.
Well, during the ride home I had to personally apologize to both of her breasts.
saying, "have a good fall!" After fucking a virgin boy is good etiquette, right?
We just stood outside and debated the existence of mermaids for about 20 min. Is this what too drunk is?
I just want you to know when I bang him in the back of my car later I'll have pony by ginuwine on repeat
Randomize
