Is it normal to miss your booty call?
don't thank me. stop putting your penis in foreign objects.
When you're about to leave, tell him "bye." At that point, he should say something. If he doesn't say anything, well, our drinks were free and he gets a free make out with yours truly.
You asked the dj to play 'who let the dogs out" because it was your birthday. You left the bar and then re-entered to the song
We had unprotected sex and she's eating life cereal for breakfast. The universe is telling me get the plan b for her
If her picture on my phone wasn't mostly of her breasts, I'd never pick up the phone when she calls.
FUUUUUCK she froze all my quaters inside the ice cubes again
today's the one month anniversary of me not giving anyone head. can you tell me you're proud
it's sad that this is a milestone
I'm still not walking right. We need some boundaries for "drink-or-dare"...
We found her naked passed out on the bathroom floor. She didn't even make it to the shower. She was clutching the bathroom rug.
Is this a drinking picnic?
Is there another kind?
You only have to pretend to care about soccer until July. HE'S PRETTY DONT RUIN THIS.
It's the kinda thing that makes you wanna buy a rainbow flag and fight republicans and kiss girls
Buying drug test kits off amazon. And qualifying for amazonSmile donation to a kids hospital feels wrong and funny at the same time xD
It was an interesting experience to have sex while there was a triathlon going on right outside my bedroom window because it sounded like everyone is cheering for you in bed.
How supportive!
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