i caught a guy at work today stealing condoms. i let him go when i realized that they were extra small.
i found your underwear in my bra... i dont even remember how this happened.
shit. all i remember is the look on your moms face.
Is it bad that when my prof gave examples of "stalking" behavior, I either have done or would do most of them?
so my doctor just swabbed my throat, and he looked up in suprise when i had no gag reflex. yea, he just judged me.
My drunk body wants to fuck you so bad, but my high mind is telling me it's too much work. I think I'm just gonna stay home and eat some Mac and cheese. Sorry.
I left my Thanksgiving family dinner puking in my hands from the worst hangover in the world
A baby just go on our party bus. What. The. Fuck.
How do you get a black eye playing beer pong??
I want to hump her dimples until her face caves in.
So many issues. You honestly need help.
Hey do you think you can sew an adult onsie with easy access if you know what I mean!!?? It must have bunny feet.
That birthday blow job you ordered came in the mail today. I suggest you hurry home.
im not letting a little injury get in the way of my alcoholic/drug problems. we ARE getting turnt tonight.
She had sex with a starfish painted on her face. Thank you Halloween
Where does drinking Flat, warm beer from two days ago rank of the No Fucks Given scale?
Yea.. And you'll love me a whole lot more when I start letting my vagina make all the decisions..
Randomize
