Yeah, getting the HI-fiVe would really put a damper on my whoring around.
i'm at the point now where i want him to say anything. even an apology for his boomerang-shaped penis would be nicer than no comment.
after I pulled back my foreskin she said, "cool like a transformer". I really like her now.
No see this is how It goes: guys will fuck virgin girls. But girls don't really want to fuck virgin guys. So you're good have no fear.
yeah my mom told me she knows when i come home high because i use my turn signal while turning into the driveway...
Well.. considering he unknowingly dated a prostitute, I consider myself the winner in that break up.
u know how some weekends you just wanna go out and ruin a relationship? this is one of those weekends
Never again. Her vagina looked like a sad old man.
I have a boner and a quesadilla why aren't you here
I didn't want to but I was drunk in a Disney bathroom with her and had a weak moment.
I don't know what I was talking about but I just threw up in ikea. You can't get out of this place it's a fucking labyrinth.
I just had sex on a roof
Almost stopped showering halfway through to go get food
I TAUGHT HER CAT TO SIT. CATS DON'T FUCKING SIT ON COMMAND. BUT THIS ONE DID!
It's basically my crowning achievement.
you tried to strip tease your way into canada but got arrested instead. don't worry, your mom doesn't know.
Randomize
