yep. he's not circumcised. how did it take me six months to realize THAT?
Dont worry, she is sitting right next to me. She is making it clear she wants to scissor
soooo we both peed the bed last night...
I can't tell whether I'm throwing up blood or licorice.
The best part was that when I woke up, I poked her with my dick to wake her up, and said, "Hi, I'm Alex. Nice to meet you". Shoulda seen the look on her face. Priceless.
I cannot for the life of me remember why I am holding this rabbit.
Its Nebraska, I'm sure im not the first person to wake up hungover in a corn field.
I don't know how we managed to stay up but we actually sat in front of her open refrigerator for god knows how long while she ate salami straight out of the package with her fingers and I laughed. It was a trainwreck.
If I don't have tequila in my hand soon, I'm going to have to violate human rights laws
What the fuck i just wanna eat my froot loops and sext in peace. Y'all motherfuckers gotta be loud as shit and break my concentration
I swear, I make more use of my creative writing major with sexting than I do with anything else
I haven't been drunk for four days and just realized I haven't taken a shit for three. This can't be healthy.
Which part?
All right well I’m making her sugar cookies and sleeping with her husband tonight. Just another manic Monday
Jus pulled over and stole. Corn out of a. Field. ... get on my level
He showed up at my house drunk with a pizza and said he wanted to lazily finger me while I watched supernatural. Who was I to say no?
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