was it more than 30 minutes?
ya
then you're in a relationship
i just overheard someone saying that they invented the 'tequila mockingbird' last night. sorry, but i found better friends
He's prob getting laid right now and I'm sitting alone in my duct tape shoes.
We are two peas in an std pod
i was way too optimistic last night... got back to my apartment and the porch light was still on, like i'd actually make it all the way home.
Sun* burn. But that sounds like wait.. Midsentence thought... It would be like swimming in a giant bowl of cereal.. Only I would be cereal. This is brilliant.
The AC broke so he ended up sleeping in the front yard and left his one night stand on the couch.
Ryan learned the all important lesson tonight; Red Bull gives you wings, Jaeger gives you gravity.
We're at the urgent care down the street from you if you care to stop by
We pretended the crowd cheering the Thunder's win was cheering for us while we had sex on the couch.
I'm sending midget strippers dressed as bull fighters with mini bottles of 1800 to your house. Already made the call. Jer is going halves on it. Can't be stopped! Won't be stopped!
I'm slacking. We've been hooking up for months and I have yet to bang him while he's wearing the clown mask.
I can't have the last guy who touched my vagina be my coworker.
It was an entirely appropriate time and place for sexual thoughts.
That doesn't make it ok to play by play me your honeymoon!
I am 11 times too hungover to give the eulogy
Wrong Cuomo but I had a dream last night in which I was very sexually attracted to Chris
Randomize
