Kris Allen: Jason Mraz mixed with John Mayer and a splash of orgasmmm
My boss just told me $1,000 at a six hour event wouldn't be worth her time. She makes $70k a yr. and apparently never learned multiplication.
Are you trying to threaten my boobs?
Graduating is kinda bittersweet. Now I'm gonna have to find another excuse to day-drink and sleep until 3pm besides "I'm in college."
Random girl at this party just gave me a lap dance in a la-Z-boy. Night significantly improved.
If taco bell and midol can't fix her, she's in gods hands now.
I have a diplomatic trade for you. My pants for your rum. Tomorrow?
There is a chick wearing some guy's shirt wrapped around her waist as a skirt... She's flashing her panties to everyone as she sings karaoke. You need to get here.
He has been feeding me cheesecake and candy for breakfast. Naked. For three days. How am I ever going to leave????
Also, being stuck with my family all week has made it very clear that I need to be drunk and I need to be fucked pronto
We were taking body shots by lunch. I love college.
My hand smells like rave and peanut butter.
Desperate times call for desperate measures. But he promised me no small talk so that was nice
I feel like I had a successful night. I flashed the guy at the liquor store last night for 2 free tshirts and a giant redbull.
drunkkkkk be here I heart you
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