Buying $100 worth of beef jerkey sounded like a terrific idea last night.
Chinatown. Her fortune cookie said "accept the next proposition you receive." TELL ME NO NOW.
once you get past the part where you think youre gonna die, its the most amazing drug ive ever experienced.
I didn't think about how painful the pumpkin seeds coming up the next morning would be. Oh well, I'm good at making pumpkin seeds and that's all that matters.
we can be functional adults and still think pizza lunchables are the shit
Do you remember me making bird noises at the bartender with some guy at the bar last night?
I just laughed at the word pudding. I have no idea whats going on right now.
Did he ask you why you were in his back yard Sunday night?
Pretend you're in a taco. That always helps me sleep.
I seriously doubt I'm gonna be able to properly put your dick in my mouth whilst upside down, but I'm willing to give it my best shot
Please tell me that all of the things I remember doing last night didn't really happen. Please.
I gave him head while despicable me 2 played in the background. I think I disappointed the minions
he rolled over in the morning and told me happy valentines day. i don't even know his first name.
I came home and my mom goes "why are you barefoot and where the hell are your shoes?" and I replied "I have French fries"
Please explain the hospital band on my wrist.
Randomize
