just saw a DUI checkpoint outside of a taco bell...i feel like thats cheating...
All my problems are solved. I just got McDonalds and scratch off lottery tickets.
I thought this kinda shit only happens to ugly people
The only problem is i have violated all potential new years resolutions at the new years party.
I turn the corner to find her walking in the front door in a tee-shirt, two different shoes and no pants. All she said to me was "I'm sad"
For Valentine's Day I've purchased six lighters and I'm decorating them for him. I'm on a full ride to an art school and this is what I'm using my talents for. An intervention is needed. Please stop letting me date stoners.
I gave up trying to understand them years ago. Now I'm just trying to fuck them.
After Madison dropped a bottle of full vodka an it shattered on the floor, it was quiet for literally 3 min straight and then drew said "the booze gods have spoken"
This is why I can't have Wednesdays.... Or adult decisions.
IN THE MIDDLE OF HOOKING UP, HE IS CALLED AWAY ON AN "EMERGENCY". FUCK THAT, MATT'S CAR IS NOT AS URGENT AS MY THIRST.
It's like Jesus got stoned and this would be the sandwiches he'd make
Nothing says "class act" like eating acid in the middle of a Buffalo Wild Wings
He yelled "I'm Bruce Springsteen!" when he came. This is why I don't sleep with guys from Jersey.
I just want to get drunk and not have to worry about you leaving me at the bar.
This might be the worst thing you've ever done.
Really? I feel like I've done worse. Guess I gotta step my game up.
Randomize
