Just spent the rest of my time at that bar trying to keep a probs underage closet gay from touching my kitten to prove he still likes girls.
That guy over there looks like a cartoon/action figure.
omg, i know.
we're too high.
my new favorite insult= "thundercunt"
genius alert. I just invented a contraption made of toilet paper and rubber bands that makes it so your balls don't stick to your leg when you wake up from sleeping. I call it, The Balldozer
not allowed to tweet this cos she's following me but i definitely just got head in a stairwell of the university of chicago. wanted you all to know.
i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
just caught a 10 year old kid staring at my dick next to me in the urinal. i just nodded to him and said yeah, mines bigger little dude. i gotta stop drinking in public....
If you bring me a slurpee and advil I will eat you out for like an hour.
Ill trade u your bra for a run to the liquor store...
And on the seventh day, God carefully sculpted your cock to fit perfectly into my masterpiece of a vagina. Then he rested. Look it up.
Definitely but only if you hit on the 16 year old in the karate class as part of your waffle and gin fueled sexually deprived rage.
As the cops are taking us away I see the strippers taking our DD backstage.
My now ex hook up buddy realized I was hooking up with others when she saw my spotify sex playlist making appearances on fb. fml
Explain why there's a meatball in my bong
I just bought six bottles of the 2 dollar vodka. oh yes there will be blood
Randomize
