What should i be more turned off about... his massive collection of condoms or that he asked me to sign my name by number 68 on the list posted on his wall?
I think the two go hand in hand.
don't look now, but that cross eyed girl is staring at you... and me.
after a few more beers I realized that both my wife and I like Latin men.
Just threw up my room service breakfast with my fake eyelashes and pearls still on.
if that blanket by the dog bowl was your dog's "bed" then i apologize to bailey for having sex on it
got woken up at 7:30 by a drunk girl asking me where she was... apparently she slept on my futon
she was in a cheetah costume
There's a good chance a guy sucked off my right earring last night
So I'm drunk playing pool in a bar with a guy I arrested last week for a DUI...if he recognizes me, shit's gonna get real.
Also, you need to stop getting hammered and taking showers with people.
well i don't know if 30 seconds is exactly a good time but at least he bought me breakfast
the most terrified I've ever been was seeing Danny Devito squirming on the ground in this underwear, covered in hand sanitizer, completely hairless
I think someone is dead in a car across the street
Scratch that, dude's getting a blow job
This will never work. His dick is smaller than mine.
Wow. And yours is kind of small.
RIGHT?
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
Listen, she cheated on him first. I've known both of them since we were 12. They have no secrets from me. And yes, as a matter of fact, I absolutely did enjoy screaming out his name into his, soon to be, ex wife's pillow.
Randomize
