oh. my. god. the guy i hooked up with last night is currently wearing a dress.
it was really bad. he went around saying "I want you inside of me" to everyone.
There was a canoe full of alcohol. It was literally a boat load of fun
my momz letting me make the christmas card in photoshop
so that means christmas in space?
imma make our dead cats ghosts like obi wan kenobi
and my attempt at hiding my drunkness from my parents included walking into the wall as soon as they let me into the house.
Gravity stopped and i'm discussing Greek philosophy with two guys I don't know. There's someone asleep on me. We need to use their dealer.
She's like a connoisseur of porn. Her collection has things in it I never even knew existed. She even has an Italian batman porno. Where has she been all my life?
One day. I will touch his hair. I'm curious if it'll be like a soft cloud.
He was so good, that I'm pretty sure he fucked his religion into me. P.S. I'm Jewish now.
My way of showing team usa support, bronze: handy silver: bj gold: home run. God, I'm patriotic
First you say "it can't get any worse" and the next thing you know you've shat yourself on Christmas Eve.
Do you have a moment to talk about our lord and savior, Kendra's boobs?
Just asphyxiate me and toss my corpse in the Ocean. It'll be easier than whatever the next four or eight years will bring.
My boobs smell like weed again. This happens way too often.
Was it a bad idea to have spent all of my tax return on coke?
Randomize
