she burped and cried multiple times. it was like i was getting head from a baby.
Just told the nurse I wouldn't get on the scale. Told her to write FAT.
so after the bed broke we walked out of the room to a standing ovation
Gay TA. Finally going to boost my GPA your way.
His sombrero wouldn't fit in the car and I had to buy him some Jack to make him stop bitching. You owe me
I have vodka soaked strawberries. My latest tarot card reading hinted at a lesbian/bisexual coming out. I doubt I survive the night.
I renamed his cat Jeff last night. Well I spray painted it on him.
Considering the fact that everyone took the wrong jacket from that party, should we casually try to return the chalice and soccer ball we stole from last night?
if masturbating while stoned isn't called "weed whacking" then i just don't know how to live my life anymore
At what point did you realize I was getting blown under the table during our dominos game?
I woke up on a navy base in a different time zone. I'm never leaving tallahassee again.
it was so good i reconsidered my staunch atheism
He stopped me in the middle of a blow job to call his grandma for her birthday.
At least he has family values.
Drunk in my hotel room, eating taco bell, and crying at Nicki Minaj's life story.
This is why I keep you in my life.
I'm drunk but I just ate 2 heads of broccoli so does that mean it evens out?
Yes absolutlely
Randomize
