I just want to make him a cookie cake that says "you have no chance with me."
the elusive kegmastree, who's mystery is only exceeded by it's power
You could probably play six degrees of separation of my cock in this city.
And is it bad that I haven't talked to guys who I haven't already dated? I feel like a recycle bin.
I ate vegetarian today, so I deserve a beer.That's my justification.
It's like you're the voice of my soul.
All I can think of is a mama duck followed by her baby ducks, in brightly colored track shoes.
How high are you?
Yeah started playing at the wedding last night, when the line. "Ludacris fills cups like DD" he starts pointing at my tits right in front of his grandparents.
Just got to Evans to buy weed. His mom showed up unannounced. Now the three of us are chillen. Super.
Going to dump some dried Xanax powder into some Mac and cheese. Can't think of a better way to avoid tasting it.
There's always a silver lining when massive voluptuous tits are involved
Totally on the hot mess express last night. Mom said I was passed out on her kitchen floor. Told her I was drinking genuine tea.
He used the ring emoji and we've gone out four times. What is my life.
I don't care how hot she was. She didn't like Scooby Doo and I don't fuck with that.
suburban family judging/laughing at us after Jenna just pulled two flasks out of her boot on the subway
Sometimes you gotta do what you gotta do... and then you need to delete the history so you're girlfriend doesn't see it.
Randomize
