Dude, she had a vegina. I felt like Indiana Jones cutting a path through the jungle.
Things overheard in WeHo: "Just drink a corona and eat some ass, you won't be hungry anymore"
i'm so high i feel like the people i'm chatting with online can some how see that i'm naked.
Man THE POSTAL SERVICE is awesome when I'm high..... But they suck when I'm sober.
considering i was high when my dad made me pee in the cup i might fail this one
you had "tips for anal sex" in your google search history this morning. how was your sunday night?
did you by any chance leave me that 7 minute long voicemail of you running and constantly tripping into bushes?
you proceeded to scream out that it's your birthday to everyone who walked by before you collapsed in the middle of the street. happy 21st birthday to you.
It's like the last supper of drinking before the summer ends
You started an entire relationship based only on sex and emoticons.
This baby is an asshole
I'd probably lick every tooth in Carly Rae Jepson's fucking mouth.
Teen Choice Awards are on if your wondering.
I should've known a straight guy wouldn't know all the words to Moana
Ever get that feeling that you're the back up booty call and half way through securing the fake date excuse to try to get in your pants, the guy hears back from the original booty call and drops the conversation with no explanation?
Idk, apparently drinking five Four Loko's and trying to fight a mailbox constitutes disorderly conduct.
Randomize
