Just think, the more you drink, the more options you'll have of people you want to hook up with.
i wish i could watch tv and lissten to music at the same time...but still understand both
i think otters can do that
she was seriously choking and the whole time all he kept saying was "that's what she said"
I want to frame my negative pregnancy test.
i slept with him so i could steal the screens out of his sink faucets for my bowl when he went to sleep. not because he's funny.
I wonder if i could put a dildo on my bike seat to encourage me to exercise.
He bought segways. We ride them when we get drunk. Last night he ran through the sliding glass door.
I'm about 95% it's a collapsed lung. Go big right?
I give up. I can't handle that class sober any longer. I have an army of whiskey shooters for the next three weeks. Wish me luck.
Haha sweet. I'm being the Mad Hatter. I'll be drinking out of a tea cup all night. Or at least until I inevitably lose it, break it, or use it as a weapon.
Well I shit myself on the way home from work today so there's that...
Oh? I just remember dropping coins and trying to give the manager change to let me back into the bar.
You don't come back from leaving a bag of shit on someone's counter Jill
I'll just say I told you so at your funeral
You ate all the burritos in sight....I cant take you to mexican restaurants anymore
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