So I thought I was slick leaving his room this morning all incognito. Little did I know I was wearing his football jersey with his name across the back... stilettos & my bra was left behind. never seeing that again
the line for where the wild things are looks like radiohead had sex with an urban outfitters
Im interpreting your silence as a silent plea for me to come wake you up. See you soon.
my feelings for you are synonymous with those of a grizzly bear and salmon. i don't want to nom on you; but i need you to survive
I wish that one Sunday morning I could wake up feeling like I have my life together.
Next thing I know we're all standing in the kitchen holding hands and thanking God for the beer.
I really want to know why half of my kitchen floor is missing.
Doing lines of cocaine in the bathroom and the word 'better' do not belong in the same sentence.
He pocket texted me while I was blowing him in the car...What are the odds?
Considering how often you blow him,high.
To celebrate your birthday last night, I got drunk and sang drift away in buffalo wild wings. Happy birthday. The entire bar sang the chorus with me. It was magical.
I have to deal with three things I do not like this weekend. Pooping in toilets that are not mine. Air mattresses. Not beating off in the shower.
I'm at the nutcracker high as shit. It's so beautiful. I cried.
I really don’t want to have kids.
I thought we agreed we were done with dirty talk for the day
Youre saying I should leave him? Have you seen the dating pool these days? It's terrifying, and in the capital region it's straight Norman Bates
he'll eat me out, but god forbid we double dip when sharing salsa
Randomize
