that speech was about as successful as her performance in twilight
Thanks for getting me home last night.
No worries. I'll always be there for you, just like Mufasa.
That glade motion activator thing keeps going off every time we pass the bong. I don't know what I'm getting high off right now.
the fire alarm went off. we werent sure whether to leave or turn the music up louder
I made her a sippy cup with eggnog and whiskey. My meditation app told me to go the extra mile for someone today, so I did.
My last two google searches are "shiny things" and "Ohio consent laws." you should visit more often.
No like you fell onto the fence. I don't even know how you got into the fenced in area.
Well for number 40 i would prefer to at least like the guy attached to the dick
So I was thinking for Halloween I'd do Dr. Jekyll and Mr. Hyde....for my vagina.
What kind of costume was that supposed to be??
I'm an orgasm trader!
Doc gave me something stronger than Xanax. The pills have your last name imprinted on them. This cannot be coincidence.
When you have to have Siri remind you that you're on your period cuz you're so drunk you keep forgetting about tampons it might be time to call it a night.
Today is National Blunt Day in the Great State of Me. Come ovah
Geez don't go to a bar for a few days and everyone freaks out.
And then I woke you by humping you to Lionel Ritchie.
Randomize
