Her sister's ass was worth my getting thrown out of the house.
Is my tampon string too long for this dress?
Just turned elections for the sorority into a drinking game. Right on.
Okay I'm all about any plan that ends with "We're gonna get you drunk."
I maybe just had sex outside in broad daylight. At a state park. Please be proud.
It says a lot about how well I know you when I can understand messages of yours that say things like "sauteed Jesus."
Indeed. The kind of morning where puking in someone's shoes is not frowned upon
His wife made me pancakes and let me borrow a clean shirt. Should I drop his class or use this to my advantage
I'm glad I booty called you last night. It was nice to see you and talk, in between all the sex...
It was an "I snuck in through the window at 5am with my underwear in my pocket" kind of night.
There was no eligible dick at the ER. I'm pissed. Looks like "Searching for Strange at the Local Free Clinic" is a no go for the name of our first full length album. On the other hand, I got a dilaudid shot and I no longer feel like I have the worst bladder infection of my life.
And now I have a massive dip in and a Bloody Mary that would catch on fire if you put a flame close to it, with no pants on... At 8:15Am. Being single is pretty legit
hitting rock bottom is getting taziki in your hair & simply putting it in a bun instead of actually dealing with it, just like your problems
he just left the suite without pants on wrapped in Christmas lights
2016 was supposed to be my year of being a ho, but I guess 2017 might be too.
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