we're at the bar and some girl dropped a bottle of burnettes strawberry vodka out of her purse and it broke.
i mean, if that's not class, then i don't know what is
I swallowed your vile semen and you don't know what color my fucking eyes are!?
I ride home in a shopping cart. Don't at like you aren't jealous.
I have the Lakers game on, but all I can think about is having sex with you. Not sure what you've done here.
Your like the Mozart of blow jobs, you make every other girl seem like cheesy elevator music.
Of all the things I am low enough to do, how could you even doubt if that was one of them?
True life. I have to get a nose job due to a deviated septum from blowing coke. Thank you college.
But I just had this pork pâté. It was dick grabbing.
We were walking home from Pluckers (read carrying your drunk ass) and out of nowhere you yelled "Say bitch you got a Facebook?" at a random chick walking by.
You got Broadway Drunk, dude. I haven't heard you sing "Music Of The Night" like that since the last time I was holding you up on the way to the subway at two in the morning.
That's the 3rd time in 6 months I woke up on the hallway floor using a towel as a blanket, no clue how I got there. At least back when I was still drinking I could blame something other than myself for that kind of shit.
You should go to AA meetings and warn people about the dangers of sobriety.
mom how many of the songs from my childhood are mexican drinking songs?
all of them.
At one point I yelled "THIS IS MY PENANCE FOR EVERYTHING I'VE DONE WRONG" and started saying Hail Marys
I'm feeding a baby and swiping on tinder...what has my life come to?!?!
I just thought you should know... Instead of a glass of wine before bed I am having a few shots of 1800. This is what being a night shift nurse will do to you... Standing in your kitchen in your undies doing shots
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