Will you blow on my dice?
Right before he passed out, he said "Stuporman, coming in for a landing"
i felt obligated to tell him happy birthday since we trashed his house and i fucked his friend in his basement
No, i will not have sex with him again. It felt like he was trying to bulldoze his way through me. My vagina is on strike.
This is my first time seeing you since your lesbian experience. SO EXCITED!
My parents don't seem to understand that all I want to do over break is smoke in bed and watch Workaholics.
Hey my vagina is like a company. Everyone has an equal opportunity....
Fucked her on the patio while some dude drove by on a mower. He waved. Twice.
Nothing like drunkenly buying a pregnancy test at 8 am to get out and realize your nip was out the whole time.
he just sent me a dick pic, it highly resembled a cheese stick
It will be too late. I will have fornicated with the enemy by then.
I just don't understand why your parents aren't supporting your dreams of being a medieval weapon smith.
A guy caught me talking to a sock today in the Laundry room if it makes you feel any better
Sadly that does. Why...where you talking to a sock
Bc I didn't know him and I asked him where he came from and why he was hanging out with my thongs
I KEEP THINKING INAPPROPRIATE SEXUAL THOUGHTS ABOUT YOU AND I AM SORRY.
You know you're getting old when you pick up hot sorority girls at the bar, and they write down their phone number, and under it 'we're great babysitters!'
Randomize
