I just dry heaved the smell of jagerbombs....which proceeded to make me hurl for real.
John Mayer's mother should have swallowed him when she had the chance.
As in blowjob or cannibalism?
I was thinking blowjob, but either would've been a better idea than giving him a record deal.
Well, I fucked her. But the sex wasn't all that great. Morning sex never is
sounds like you fell off the wagon.
fuck falling off. at this point, the wagon is a dot on the horizon.
Woke up with a treasure map of my room stuck with sticky tape to my ceiling. followed it and found $75 with a note saying; "eat this if we're invaded"... I'm never getting stoned again
what is the aproppriate waiting time between having sex and playing super Mario brothers
6 min
so im goin to clemson & my drug dealers goin to penn state. this is the hardest breakup EVER.
Just calculated that for my last final tomorrow I need 120% to improve my grade and 53% to keep it..buying 30 packs now, go get dressed
May or may not be going home with my jamitor. i'm kiddong, btw, i have no idea. i'll let you know soooon.
He started doing the gator chop at my vag and said he couldn't wait to "chomp" on it later...and I still slept with him. I hate gainesville.
That's just a really flattering way of saying, "Yes, you're useless, but you have great tits."
So what's today's forecast for the female rollercoaster you've been riding?
we def had a heart to heart that turned into a BJ last night
Hey, if a dude can't randomly belt out Whitney Houston tunes from time to time, is life really worth living??
I guess I called her at 2am, demanding that she bring us food. She told us to order pizza, and I yelled "DON'T MENTION PIZZA!" I recall nothing.
Randomize
