when i woke up i was missing $380 from my bank account
damn...impressive bar tab
no i guess i bought a gasoline powered blender off ebay, i need a breathalyzer for my computer
k, so I just picked a four leaf clover, then saw my dads penis. Lucky? I think not.
Is it weird for a girl to post pictures of her dildo no facebook?
You got in the cab and told the cab driver "we only have seven bucks so you better drive fucking fast".
I think you are the only one slutty enough and evil enough for the job. Just go in and blue ball him. He broke my nose in Middle school. He deserves this.
After he came, I wiped my mouth on my baby blanket. I could feel nana rolling over in her grave.
I want you to get your positive energy all over me. I want to to look like something from Ghostbusters.
Well, I can mark "throwing up in a daycare bathroom due to a hangover" off my bucket list.
Wikipedia just saved you three hours and $30 on a bar tab. You should donate.
$5. Donated.
Get my husband this drunk again I will rip off your balls off with my bare hands and then cut them up with a dirty axe like fish bits. Do you understand me? DO YOU UNDERSTAND ME?! See you at breakfast, FUCK FACE. I'll shove that bottle of Jamison so far up your ass you'll still be praying in 2020 you can take a shit! Seriously, you make it hard to be your best friend.
National champion athletes like gay butt sex, too. I'm just here to help them out.
An "unreasonable amount of ejaculate" isn't a reason to be angry at me.
I can't sleep. Send Llama pictures.
Sometimes I look at dogs and just thing about how it's weird we both came from wolves
Lay off the drugs kid
Dammit. the window insulation sheets are too small for my windows. Yet again I am disappointed by size
Randomize
