If I was Danny Tanner and my wife died and left me with three kids I would hire a nanny rather than bringing in the sexually promiscuos uncle with a fetish for leather and rebellion and my obviously mentally ill (possibly gay) best friend Joey, who has never had a girlfriend and consistently talks in cartoon voices... a nanny is just a better choice
I woke with a ring of glitter around my dick.... I kinda don't want to wash it off
It was like the Ritz Carlton of jails. I got introduced to our criminal system the right way.
did all my christmas shopping this morning at 4am drunk. never went to sleep. i was walking home drunk last night when i passed a target and saw 3 kids having a dance off. had to join. somehow they convinced me to go shoopping with them. i bought 4 disco balls and a lava lamp.
Just shot my load on a stink bug. Thought you should know.
I'm expecting you to come by soon and a magical night of sex and floating on clouds to follow.
I CAN'T DO THIS MUCH FABULOUS BEFORE LUNCHTIME
I may or may not have traded your body to the rodeo's owner for free beer.
Ugh I hate you, and the responsible adult life I pretend to have during daylight hours
Waking up at a teachers house is a very confusing thing
"She's seriously grinding on him while whispering into his ear, 'take me to McDonald's.'"
WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU
MANY MANY THINGS AND MOST OF THEM ARE YOUR FUCKING FAULT
He had a clap on lamp. So every time he was ramming into me, the lights kept turning on and off
At 3:00am my whole house started smelling like cooking meat. I have no idea why she thought it was a good idea to crock-pot a WHOLE turkey that early in the morning.
You kept shouting about how you were the king of all bitches...and doors, for some reason.
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