listen. just hotwire a car, take off the license plate, make up a new one on a sheet of paper and go the speed limit. i do it like, at least 3x a week.
i always forget guys have bellybuttons
We're doing the donut challenge later. How many can we fit on his erect penis. Needless to say we get along well.
shes a baton twirler.. i expected her to be better with her hands.
She tased me when I walked in the door. Thought I was trying to steel her weed.
She woke up laying on my kitchen floor, ketchup bottle as her pillow, in front of my fridge.
Found my smoke alarm in a ziploc in my toilet...again
you're the only person I know who would bring a water bottle of screwdriver to a wedding, and toast with it during the speech
Theres a guy in your room wearing a franzi box costume and some girl is in the box giving him head.
Seriously, dude... You knows its bad when you gag on her nipple.
if you had such a terrible roommate you would understand. jacking off in his conditioner is just the start.
Straight guys just can't stay away. My penis must have pheromones or something.
Is it weird that the best sex I've ever had was to Barbara Streisand's Christmas album?
It's my birthday weekend! I'm getting a Brazilian and he's going to fucking Arkansas. Where the fuck are his priorities?
I'm watching Netflix with my cats and eating homemade bread. Everyone and everything can go and fuck itself.
Randomize
