Her vagina felt like a horse was eating an apple out of my hand..
last nights makeup is better than no makeup at all.
'in an unhealthy relationship' should def be an fb option
i did the responsible thing and pissed myself...
since i'm not going, you must continue my tradition of flashing every person there.
THERE ARE ENTIRELY TOO MANY HOT UNDERAGE GIRLS HERE FOR THIS TO REMAIN LEGAL.
You made a glowstick headband with a helium balloon tied around it and climbed a tree in high heels. I was impressed.
The look on the dr's face when she asked me the last time i had sex and i responded "like an hour and a half ago" ... priceless
I need rollerblades now
Rollerblades pick up bitches
New reason to drink: alcohol makes soda taste like goddamn gold.
He was dressed as the 420 Easter bunny...he looked like a walking anti-drug campaign.
His name is Angel. I'm pretty sure he was sent from heaven solely to eat me out.
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like picking cocaine boogers out of your nose at your parents house.
Who wants to play the "pick up your shit from our floor because you're not paying rent or dating either of us" game?
Went to bed still wearing my bralette. When I was changing this morning, a Tootsie Roll fell out. I'm definitely living my best life.
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