Thanks to blow jobs, my margarita's at the bar are only 3dollars.
Do brothers usually kiss their sisters?
My New Years Resolution was to get a girl I dont know pregnant. 8 months later I can check that off the list..
Coming down off exstacy at a church event. Resisting the urge to dance to the church hymns.
i'm sober ask me anything about the civil war
I'm a little upset you wasted 3 beers on your wet tee shirt contest.
Sean getting laid is an anomaly, Sean banging the hottest single girl at the wedding is a fucking unicorn being ridden by a leprechaun walking through mordor.
Just made a drunk dude do 20 push-ups. In the parking lot of the bar tonight for a keystone light I found in the back of my truck.
Oh yum
it's too much effort for something that isn't food.
I threw up in a pringles can. how do you think my night went.
I've grown it out to 70s proportions. I'm calling it my chastity pelt.
I have a story for you. It involves waffles and getting naked with the local weatherman.
Liquor has joined the party. Aly just fucking yelled "I LOVE COOKING" and poured margarita mixer, ice and tequila into the blender.
Good new is, my parents are alive. Better news they will be in the hospital all weekend. Best news is im having a house party. All weekend.
All I need is to get out and get laid
Yeah mom sounds like a good idea! Now send that message to the person it was ment for
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