He said I was trying to make the bouncer dance with me AS he was throwing me out
I will always remember today as the day I narrowly escaped having to touch a tiny penis
He gave me a trycicle he stole from a kid as an "offering" to have sex. I couldnt say no when he went through all that.
he pulled a $400 bottle of champagne out of the back part of his toiled and I was ready to blow him then and there
He has a shower chair now. So he sits and watches me shower. It's kind of creepy.
Very impressive. My GPA is the same amount of orgasms I can offer tonight (valid only tonight): 3.5
Oh yeah I remember when I first saw Kyler's balls. If there's anything high school swim prepared me for, it's the amount of testicles I would see here
His cat kept scratching my feet while we were having sex. There's only room for one pussy around here. It also concerns me that he owns a cat.
I blew past the Governor's motorcade going twice the speed limit and DIDN'T get a ticket. God wants me to get laid.
Hypothetically speaking - is it bad if you get cut off at an airport bar at 11:30am?
On the other hand, this could be a new level of shame for me.
after we got done having sex, you rolled over and ask what your yelp review was. So yea I'm kinda mad.
Tequilla is a sneaky bitch ninja that doesn't kick in until you least expect it. Then BAM! You're peeing in unconventional places.
meow
use your words like a big girl
i ran over your cat.
Fruitcakes are only good for throwing at neo Nazis.
Randomize
