Youll never guess who has to go to fucking planned parenthood because trojan cant make a fucking condom
I told my new friends about my possible new chin. They said I should get my nose done first. Please tell me I'm pretty or something.
Explain to me how it was that you spent the entire night playing pool with three lesbians and did not get a foursome out of it.
They're re-releasing Titanic in 3-D. Can I interest you in a joint venture to create the greatest drinking game of all time? I think yes
Just caught my dad doing coke in my bathroom again. Guess whose getting a new car for christmasss.
My pupils are so HUGE you can see into my soul from 2 miles away
And then we can spend New Year's Day sprawled across the tiles watching greys anatomy and puking into the bushes over the balcony. It'll be great
I SHIT YOU NOT a mailman helped me leave without waking him up.
there's a drunk hobo under the bridge wearing a jester hat and screaming at women
Oohh. Then yes, he is the Alpha Fuckboy.
I am at 99 matches in less than 24 hours, I need a tinder rehab program
Nothing more awkward that being butt ass naked in a guys bed and his ex wife shows up with his kid....
I brought her cheeseburgers and tequila but she's still mad at me.
easy for you to say. you're not the one who has to explain why you woke up with a pineapple and a used condom.
I woke up with what has to be a whole pack of smarties loose in my bra. Was that your fault?
Randomize
