you dont remember trying to break dance in the middle of the casino floor on ur own throw up?
oh that explains alot.
his dad told me thanks for making his little boy a man at breakfast this morning
im just gonna turn drinking alone on new years into a tradition
You kept telling me how warm your bag of vomit was and asked me if i wanted to feel.
It's 10AM, she's drunk blaring veggie tales and I have a paper to write you've got to be fucking kidding me
We team puked and then made sex like wild monkeys. If that isn't love, I don't know what is.
todays sighting is titled: Bum taking pictures with an invisible camera.
You told the cashier at McDonald's not to smell the ones cause you had just got back from the strip club. Good deed.
i made sure not to drool on your bed by putting my hoodie on backwards and swaddling my face in the hood
I wish buying curtains was as easy as buying drugs. I already KNOW what I want and what the outcome will be: awesome.
I think I'm leaving the streamers and balloons up from 4th of july till after he stops by. It'll be like the universe is celebrating his massive dick.
I decided to start over my porn collection by deleting the old stuff. That was a sad piece of a pie chart...
Nothing too major over here lately. Just had a date with an ex-internet porn star turned lawyer. He said: "at my 3rd burning man I taught a workshop on BDSM" and I knew it was going to be a fun night.
I refuse to plan drunken casual sex. Just think of the monster I'd create.
I can't believe the MLB is making the NHL look good.
Randomize
