you better believe me or I'll punch you in the face
our cab driver is having phone sex.
so... thinking about masturbating finally
taking the losers way out I see
I'm playing the Jersey Shore drinking game by myself at my mom's house. Things like this are not okay after college.
She told me my dick looked like a baby seal wrapped in a sleeping bag.
Im chasing shots of tequila with chocolate milk right now. by myself. its nasty, but I've had worse in tjere the past couple days, so ill take it.
Either I'm too drunk or she gave me a hand job to the rhythm of jingle bells.
Well we're either getting a bunny or I'm getting you pregnant in about 12 days.
I'll feed you vitamin c from my mouth this weekend. Like a baby bird.
Promise??
I just hip-checked Santa and stole his cab.
Apparently I have decided there are no repercussions for my actions
This morning when you were fucking me you said you'd go to the store and get me tampons and a 30 pack
I always can't wait to see you but when there's also an opportunity to get naked it elevates to an entirely different level
I just had all of the sex. All of it.
I fell out of my bed whilst trying not to move this morning. I AM ADULT
I had ice cream for breakfast two days in a row.
SUPER ADULTS
Randomize
