How do u get a lost condom out? Like really lost... up there...
I have a love/hate relationship when men come within a 10 minute time frame.
the women in the ladies room did not appreciate my innovation of turning a sink into a urinal
he just chased his shot of tequila with a chicken nugget.. either its a canadian thing or hes wasted
The trip involved octopus tentacles coming from the little holes in my TV's speakers. The beauty of the nonexistant symbolism had me in tears.
He broke into my house just to tell me the door was locked.
New BDSM fun fact. When you get spanked hard enough with a flat object, you get welts. Welcome to thunderdome, bitches.
I look like shit btw. Like the joker from Batman.
I'm not sure how that's possible unless you put on face paint. Which I would respect.
Got it in all night, now at a bar at 730 am and we are the only two people here. Somewhere my mid twenties father is applauding me.
i’m just listening to christina aguilera’s “your body” on repeat and trying not to pass out at my desk.
I wanna snuggle with you as we feed each other chipotle burrito bowls and that's just where I'm at right now
My vagina has made plenty life decisions and I would like to point out very few if not any of them were in my favor.
Let's celebrate our country being screwed by screwing.
My uncle showed up to pick us up at the bar just as I bought a drink so I put it in my pocket #drunksmart
I was so high I could TASTE the fillings in my teeth
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