I love Japanese schoolgirls with short skirts riding bikes on windy days.
You're never coming back, are you?
Just an fyi, teatherball while wasted might be the hardest sport ever.
you know...the drug dealer i named my baby after.
ps I'm eating candy off our sex sheets. gotta say the only thing better than sweet tarts is sweet tarts with a hint of sex. perfect post vday situation
Someone fucked up, the stop Kony day is on 4/20,
At second job interview this week. Wearing pants to hide pole dancing bruises. This my life.
He pulled a condom out of his satchel and i questioned my entire life.
Liar. My heart is broken and my boobs are disappointed.
Need to find a Santa hat to fit my penis, he deserves to be festive too.
i woke up this morning put my hand under the pillow and there was a banana there
He is getting no nudes from me. I don't even care if I'm losing his legal advice.
My god imagine how much cum is in that astroturf
One lone grasshopper in the whataburger bathroom. Don't know how it got there. Scared the fuck out of me. Also puked over the side of the silverado fence. The horses looked disappointed. Animal magnetism is beautiful. You taught me well. I love you.
you tried to make the parrot smoke your joint
Can we just take a minute to acknowledge that you're drinking with your gay ex boyfriend's DAD who is a DEACON??
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