Dude, I totally just put a lit lighter to my hand for 10 seconds
How much beer did you get for it?
One ice cold coors, but those mountains lied
i soberly give you permission to do that to me when im drunk
16 and pregnant actually makes me really happy that i'm gay
we'll penetrate his innocence with our dicks
so I finished the entire bottle...next thing I know, it's 8 am and I wake up on the fucking beach in the low tide with a family standing about 30 feet from me just staring.
I bought a police grade breathalyzer on ebay at 4:37 am. At least I'm a responsible drunk.
Side note: I think I fell asleep holding a cereal box
Looking at an apartment in Houston. It's right beside my favorite bar and the zoo. Best or worst decision?
Hahaha it was a great moment in my life. This must be what post child birth feels like, given you don't get a combined asshole/ vagina
i know you're at the dentist, but this dick pic was too phenominal to wait and i deserve immediate tit compensation
I woke up naked except for someone else's socks. Im so proud
I'm moving out of my place and I just gave my mom a couch that I had sex on last night. Reduce, reuse, recycle at its best.
The guy I'm talking to drunk texted me his essay last night and he asked me to revise it
honestly if there were pictures of last night i would be embarrassed.... im embarrassed without pictures
You need to go! It’s a midwestern wedding - the single girls out there think life ends at 25 if they don’t have a picket fence and family. That’s when your penis introduces himself
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