I feel like death. And death is wearing a fleece blanket as a dress. And is seriously contemplating wearing this to go get something to eat.
he told me not be awkward when his girlfriend comes tomorrow. and then he made out with me
I just found out how hard it is to put together a fake Christmas tree with a hangover.
the weed was in a baggy that had little penguins on it. i am so excited you have no idea
When the tupperware hit the highway it was like a vomit bomb
like teasing for 28 minutes, then the very last 2 minutes is where is ALL goes down. I'm talking, rings off, stable sitting position, hand job madness.
No, but its not like diarrhea. i swear its like my intestines had a secret bank account and i just punched in the right pin.
my hand froze to the top of can of beer cuz i fell asleep outside. i decided to find a way to open the bottom of the can before addressing my severe frostbite. PRIORITIES!
Give me a reason to not spend the rest of my evening high watching dogs 101 videos
new dating motto: let your guard down, not your panties
Is it too soon for me to wonder what sex with him would be like?
decided to jump from one of the levels of the Westin chicago Nortghwest. it was worth the broken legs.
The thing I'm gonna miss about him is his dick.
I got up and left his place at 3am because I remembered I had a burrito in my car.
If I told the doordash driver it's national nudity day, think he'd still report me for being topless at the door?
Randomize
