Oh fyi, I gave your card to a homeless guy last night and told him you were the world's hottest blonde girl who only likes black men...Sorry
so stoned i ashed in my jack and coke like 4 times. drinking it anyway
You burnt your salmon and tried to mail it. Post marked to: Starving Kid in Africa
Dude... Hand job in the lake... It was as weird as it sounds.
I was also standing on my bed with a road cone pounding on the ceiling at 3am. Not sure why
It's like eating cereal and milk but instead of cereal it's gummy bears and instead of milk it's vodka.
To say the least, now you know you're a proper lady, passing a field sobriety test in heels...
i was just offered a 40 day sex challenge. prepare for the best 40 days of your life.
oh. my. god. yes.
well, obviously he didn't fuck me for my strong moral fiber.
Oh, and i love you too. Im just a selfish dick who had to talk about myself first
Just set out 2 water bottles as an offering to my hungover self.
Bro i pulled the fucking willy wonkas gold ticket of ratchets the other night this chick was a real treat god bless her
He isn't understanding any of my Fetty Wap references. He may not be a keeper after all.
You can tell by the way he cuddles that he's got mommy issues
My boss is paying me to come clean his house in a maid outfit and told me not to tell anyone....this is shady as fuck but I need the money
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