Do they take checks?
Did you really just ask me if you could write a check for a DRUG DEAL?
I love drunk self when he leaves a prepacked bong for the morning... in the bathroom.
After grabbing my boob for a couple minutes he then decides to ask me if I was awake.
He told me he wanted to show me something beautiful, then just started peeing off the bridge into oncoming traffic
Come over, we're having a tea party. And by a tea party I mean we're drinking whiskey from tea cups.
they have a video of him in his boxers making a snow angel in the hallway is his own vomit and coca cola.
You came home And decided to make beer battered bacon... That's why there was smoke
Been trying to fuck him since december. Finally got him into bed and he was uncircumcised. Why do bad things happen to good people?
It was awful. He had a wife
And now you've had a year of virgin penance. Absolve yourself.
I'm wearing sunglasses around my house. Douchebag status. The hangover is real.
You should help rebuild my confidence with your dick. Altruism: Pass it on.
Awkward, walking to my bootycall's hotel room and run into my dad leaving his. Just nodded to each other and went on our ways
When i was leaving for work this morning, i realized the neighbor was passed out drunk, with no pants, and a half eaten whopper on my lawn. Knowing that hey..we have all been there before.. i decided to give him a pillow and a blanket rather than wake him up.
Just sent a nude with the caption "seasons greetings from our family to yours"
Hey? Just a hypothetical. You ever accidentally kill somebody's cat on purpose? Like you didn't mean to but it had it coming? If you're wondering it tripped me while I was walking down the stairs and I landed on it as I fell.
Randomize
