I had so many friends before that round of Never Have I Ever.
part of me always dies a little when i go to the "2 women seeking 1 man" section in craigslist's casual encounters to find nothing there. it's tragic
i lost my phone in the process of getting a condom out of my hair
It's 4PM and I'm finally awake.. I'm covered in dog fur and shame. I'd say it counts as a good night.
I had to write an apology letter to security guards in the hotel so I didnt get kicked out
Did you know that scruff feels epic on boobs especially when they are covered in whip cream?
You would be my first round pick for a drinking team
That would make regret #10
He was more like the original regret
Wanna show up on a guy's doorstep and punch him in the balls for me? At least this one isn't a cop.
I'm fucking sick of guys. I think I'm going to date myself. No drama. And I know I'll always put out.
Enjoy the penises
I've decided to have sex with him one more time to make sure I don't like him
I promised her I would shit on your driveway. There's nothing that you or I can do about it now.
His penis is the only thing worth pursuing but all the baggage attached isn't.
If you think me talking about that hot guy accepting my LinkedIn request is pornographic, I’m not sure how you’re gonna feel when I tell you I fucked a stranger on a park bench last weekend
Randomize
