I just bought Christian paraphenilia at Borders for my dad's bday. I had the urge to tell them it wasn't mine, like I was buying laxatives or a dildo
Hahahaha. You probably would have been more comfortable buying either of those than what you just bought
Where are I am going home with Ryan
I don't know who this or Ryan is but it is probably too late to talk you out of it
once my pubes got caught on her snaggletooth it was all downhill from there
Well, technically I had a shirt on, it was just around my waist.
I have a ginormous moral hangover. Strip club blues.
my mom just found my flavored lube in the basement. she gave me a lecture about how "giving head is degrading" omg i feel sooooo bad for my dad
i feel like his penis is a security blanet. i cant fall asleep unless its in my hand
her roommates boyfriend drunkenly walked in on us banging and said yeeeeaaaaaahhhh and tried to high five me
If only we could all 3 say fuck school to be stoner flight attendants
Are you having sex right now? Or is the apt just swaying rhythmically on its own? Either way, awesome.
You were crying in a drunken stupor for an hour because "the new daft punk album didn't blow your tits off"
The friend zone. He put me in the friend zone. But said he still wants me to suck his dick. I'm in the dick sucking friend zone and I want to die.
I need to get off of her emotional roller coaster. I've been on it for a fucking year and I've been throwing up the entire time.
We are best friends because we can vomit simultaneously in the same toilet and not care
Oh my god my purse is too heavy for me to dance with boys cause it has too many stolen sink faucets in it
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