First guy to fuck a girl in the new tool shed. Her underwear is on the shovel hook.
well..after leaving the bar you handed me your wallet and said you didnt need it cause you were going to find the cash cab and added 'i'll see you on tv'
Someone just uploaded pictures on facebook of you making out with random girls. I'm telling you because I'm assuming you don't remember anything, but the 236 pictures in the album should give you a good clue.
My #1 goal this summer is to get drunk at olive garden
Question: does the slut gene come from the mother or the father? im trying to figure out who to blame.
She talked about nothing but beanie babies for 45 minutes. I'm never getting high with her again.
I vaguely remember taking a shit behind the shed before I started puking over the fence. No more Xanax.
I think that the jello shots in bowls is where it all went wrong.
If we don't rescue him from the fat chick soon, she is going to eat him alive and suck the marrow from his bones.
He wore socks while I was giving him head. I couldn't even focus on his penis because of the socks.
He took my necklace off while we were 69ing. His tongue never stopped moving either. Take that, guys who can't figure out how bras work.
Do not take the D yet, he needs to be worth it. Your Vagina is GOLD.
First Peyton Manning retires, and now the most interesting man in the world is retiring for Dos Equis. This is the worst week of my fucking life.
We are totally like Jim and Pam, except ya know, drunk and not together anymore.
Taking a walk while tripping face during Halloween time was a bad idea. I started crying bc I was so scared and hide in the parks playground.
Randomize
