I wasn't fucked. I was just drunk, because i was still able to walk into the woods and masterbate.
she bought me drinks at the bar, made me pizza at her place, gave me head, and then drove me home...i think i might propose
I finally beat you i just fucked my professor last night!!!\n\n
sry, psychiatrist trumps professor
Turns out I wasn't throwing up blood, I just threw up so hard it ripped my tonsils. Thank you Jameson.
It wouldn't have been a big thing. If anything, I woulda apologized to you and cleaned the remote
I refuse to have another spring break doomed by pregnancy.
Found a Safeway Deli Sandwich in the shower this morning... Perhaps the 9th beer was unnecessary.
Dude, she found the red hair dye from 4th of July. then she proceeded to give you a red mohawk for a more patriotic thanksgiving eve. How do you not remember that?
I seriously think my heart may fail. And I didn't even grab a toilet beer :(
only thing in my fruit bowl is 4 champagne corks and a jenga piece . Tuesday.
I'm drinking straight vodka and railing lines of adderall while writing a paper about the nature of Jesus. It's 6:50 in the morning. College.
I punted my pants across my apt at my roommate last night. Everything else is kinda fuzzy.
He said that I started crying after sex because he was leaving to go back to Europe after the semester was over and I wouldn't see his dick anymore. This is why I need to stop hooking up with the exchange students.
I don't know whether to laugh it off or be pissed at him..I got pulled over this morning leaving his place and the officer thought my hickeys were hand prints around my neck and asked if I needed to be escorted out of town.
COCAINE IS GR8
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