he just asked me if he could show me what he wanted to do to me using his action figures. where do i find these freaks?
its a vaginal recession for me, ill take what i can get
this guy had a colored tattoo of Chucky on his leg, whatever drugs he does, i want them
all but 2 of were put on probation for disorderly conduct. i know, visiting a hospital when your drunk is really stupid but it seemed like such a good idea at the time
swear to god, "it seemed like a good idea at the time" is gonna be on your epitaph
If you haven't seen a huge black man in tiny red snowflake shorts that barely cover his dick, then you don't know what I'm going through.
The cab driver just showed us a POV shot of himself getting ridden by a chick he took with his flip phone. Confirmed not taken in cab. Gonna be a good night...
Well his ex just grabbed his dick and told him yep Ill call u later
I only want to come over for sex and blueberry pancakes
Are we going to go home and do it or do I have time to eat my nachos bell grande first?
I have a bunch of bug bites on my ass... This is why you don't have sex against a tree in the woods
I woke up with my phone plugged into an extension cord in my garage. No clue how I got home. Videos of me flogging my roommate with my set of keys telling him he's the worst roommate ever. And my mom woke me up at 8am asking how to make a DVD...Goddamnit first Friday.
Not bad. Ran into Carlo. He shared a story about a sailor who got gonorrhea in his eye. It made me feel better about myself.
just hooked up with a guy ON MY CAMPUS VISIT. god only knows whats gonna happen when im actually a student
I just made myself 3 peanut butter sammies because I was too hungry to watch porn
Just because you haven’t had your UTI yet doesn’t mean you have a right to talk like Yoda
Randomize
