It has come to my attention that I should apologize for myself and my friends
What's the protocol for seeing the two girls you've been sleeping with in the store WHILE buying condoms?
3some
You're right, stupid question.
You should probably wake up already as I have yet another story for you. Teaser? Blood from knife wound. Tequila. Guitar hero. Kitchen counter. Lawyer.
the only consolation to the fact that i puked in public today was that i did it down a storm drain... so at least i am a responsible public puker
Just in case you were wondering I sent you a text at 4:37 in the morning because I woke up on the side of the highway at that time
I don't care if I just threw up. You kiss me now. This is marriage.
Dunno yet. Probably just gonna play the s.t.d. russian roulette game with random bartenders at the beach again. Same 'ol same 'ol
You know where a good place to spend summer is? In your head. High as shit. It doesn't matter where you are.
How do I know if porn I have watched is haunted?
Please come over, I'm slowly melting into a ball of sexual frustration. If I'm not dead by the end of the day be very surprised.
Buying the inflatable beer pong table for the pool was one of the best investments I've ever made
Uh oh we had sex and I don't think I like him anymore help
We were 6 minutes into the movie before we realized the whole movie was spoken in Italian. That level of stupidly-ripped
Just took acid. Wish me luck.
I worked out twice today and you're dropping acid. My life sucks.
She puked on the floor because she said she really liked to clean.
Randomize
