420 ftw
I just had a 2 1/2 hr conversation about the pros and cons of taping your ballsack to your taint, which then led into the unveilling of lady gaga being a hermaphrodite.
It was kinda bitchy last night when i brought up my pregnancy scare and you said "shotty playing with it"
You are not allowed to borrow my car ever again. It smells like a hobo orgy happened in my backseat with a hint of onion. What did you do.
He started screaming when he saw my dog. He thought it was a polar bear
I don't know how it happened. All I did was tell her I was impressed by her presentation. Her nail marks on my back ain't going away anytime soon.
It's the 30 sec rule.... the worst that could happen is I could die
I don't remember much from my 21st, but my mom said I insisted on the fat guy taking body shots off me
Throwing up into Nora's potty chair while simultaneously having beer shits was truly the highlight of my Christmas season.
Fell off the toilet trying to reach to put my tampon in the garbage. Pride hurts real bad.
A picture of a damn cupcake brought back 3 fuckboys
How are you and your magical vagina doing today?
it's like my eyeball is being humped by my eyelid
Someone needs to get Mark off the roof. I told you that he doesn’t shut up about ancient Egypt if you give him henny.
I love Texas men! TSA agent found my vibrator, nodded approvingly, and said, “You have a nice night, ma’am” with a cowboy accent. I almost made out with him on the spot
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