he's the Salvador Dali of pubic shaving
Her dad smelled like someone lit a fart and burned their ass hairs.
Remember when we were trying to guess how many people could fit in my shower? The answer is 7
The pregnant Hooters waitress told me to "make good choices".
I tried really hard to get you laid last night. And by that I mean I asked a bunch of dudes if they were top or bottom.
I just realized that my phone was set to Brazilian time...what the fuck happened last night
I'm crying, drinking alone and applying for jobs tonight. I figure the alcohol will lower my job standards.
Did you get my bra back of the bartender?
I seriously think we need to revision your idea of 'keeping a low profile'
I found this letter on my leg this morning "dear sober self- we are one body now. It's weird but get used to it because it already happened" who the fuck is lionman?
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
Teflon bitches. Nothing fucking sticks to this kid, not even a kid. Maury Povitched this shit outta that situation.
i just tried to use a string cheese as a light source
he stopped mid makeout and said "can I pray for you?"
Man, it's really obvious that I was either handcuffed or tied up last night. Either way, not something you'd want coworkers knowing.
they call themselves the foursome.. thats def means they're up for one right?
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