i now know from two sources i am better at making out and giving head than she is. and not by a little either.
you kept eating the heads off the gummy bears and screaming 'euthanized!'
he conducted the entire waffle house into singing the song Oklahoma. He was wasted.
if we break up, who will get the dealer?
I left puerto rico a week ago and my vagina still smells like coconut.
Yes, he made a MIX CD for our booty call...
If you happen to tell anybody my drunk story in the near future, please refrain from telling them about me shitting myself. People are getting the wrong idea and random people are messaging me on Facebook making fun of me for that
Rumble strips road head = magical
I can't even masturbate anymore!! That was my last source of cardio!!
Just found a condom on my floor from last weekend. 2/2. The scavenger hunt is over.
All I know is I want him to tie me up at least twice a week and I have an overwhelming urge to cook for him. Could this be love? I'm so confused....
Fuck off I wasn't that drunk. I was still able to toss froot loops in the air and catch them in my mouth.
And in your bra. It was quite entertaining.
Do you think I need to report to HR that the intern and I had butt sex?
I have a tab of a google image search of onion rings open and it is making me so happy.
Fun fact: My predictive text now prompts "walrus" as the most likely word to follow "intoxicated"...
Randomize
