Pussy?
how
Wat do u mean how?
Heyy I kind of wanted to apologize and excuse myself for last night. I feel like that was a little much. I just met you. That's why I don't like tequila. Haha
singing on the bus should be illegal
huh?
There's a group of like 8 white people in the back of the bus harmonizing to sugar we're going down
no sex. but he left me weed, so almost as good.
I was arrested last night for attempting to flee and elude. I wasn't really trying to run from the police. I was drunk and lost in the woods. I thought it was pretty obvious when I was waving at them from my puddle of puke that I wasn't really hiding.
Um please remind me to tell you what happened tonight. It involves wine, pain killers and firing a handgun in our apartment. Legit might be hiding from the cops this weekend.
He got in a shopping cart outside of home depot and insisted we push him down a flight of stairs. For science.
I was the oldest, shortest, and soberest at the New Years party last night. My life sucks
It may be a clusterfuck, but I'll be looking classy as shit as I watch the nightmare unfold
I NEED A MOM FRIEND. NOW.
All because of that GODDAMNED MIKE PENCE.
I'm fucking camped out by the bathrooms. I think the poopatrator is in there. Wtf is my life
Almost an end to the saga.
had more orgasms than hours of sleep last night
Literally.... Guy kissing himself in mirror in this hotel elevator
The lady at the liquor store in my hometown just gave ran around the corner and gave me a hug when I came back from being gone for a couple months. My life is complete.
Randomize
