I just made princess spaghettios..and I wonder why she broke up with me for not being mature enough.
i need you to recap everything for me beyond "i think i'm gonna try vodka-pong"
The only reason anyone found out he threw up is because everyone heard it sizzle the bonfire out.
at what point did you see referring to the bartender as 'the white precious' a good idea??
I just took a shower and I feel like 20 pounds of sex just came off of me.
Oh my god I'm so bored. The virgin is so disinteresting when I'm not trying to cum on her face.
I had to jump out of her car while it was moving enough said
I just Tebowed the shit out of her.
Nice and you can't use "Tebow" in the place of every verb.
It was dark, she woke me up, gave me a blowjob and then whispered in my ear: do you know who I am?
I'm pretty sure I just crapped out my pancreas. I have 2 of those, right?
I'm pretty sure at any given moment you could wring out my liver and get a couple of shots of jäger.
We left his house because I forgot how to drink water, I was just holding it in my mouth and then spitting it out, needless to say I don't remember the sex.
Is there a special protocol when the stripper has a Boba Fett tattoo?
I threw my shoes out of frustration and walked home barefoot... can you help me find my shoes in the morning
How do you teach a grown ass men how to fuck? Why is good sex so hard to find these days?
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