i just remembered last night waiting for you to pick me up wearing my bra on my head to protect me from the rain
Just before going down on me she said, "I need a hairband for all of the jobs I'm about to perform."
I've realized that my life is in no way structured to be compatible with monogamy. I'm not adjusting to this well.
The sex was so good I went temporarily numb. Slightly embarrassing when she pointed out I was kissing my own arm.
let's see, i ended up walking for an hour towards a macdonalds that didnt exist, sprinted full tilt into a powerline, and left a 30 dollar tip to a waitress at dennys we made friends with. I REGRET NOTHING
Well the streets were closed, so it was okay for me to just lay down for a little bit.
Until this weekend, a man hadn't made me orgasm since the night Obama was elected. Now THAT is change I can believe in.
I just moved 6 traffic cones blocking a row of traffic. I got applause.
The amount of drugs I did this weekend make me concerned about my health but at the same time fascinated to see if I could do more
I just took the batteries out of the xbox remote so she could replace the dead ones in her vibrator If that's not love I don't know what is
I am lonely and hungry. I need a girlfriend, but I'd settle for my mom.
I woke up this morning with a half eaten bagel and an empty pack of imitation crab meat in my bed. This is going to be my response to pick up lines now.
I never realized how you can accidentally go home with someone until tequila got involved.
Last night this creepy guy asked me my name and I told him it was Jaundice and he called me that all night
It's a weird kind of sexy when a guy has a bunkbed with his roommate
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