Why is my head in the toilet this morning but there is vomit behind the toilet
its not facebook stalking, its market reasearch
they just tried to tell me they weren't big into drugs. A) it was the 70's. B) I've seen the pictures.
I love seeing you outside of a bar. It's like seeing a dog walk on its hind legs
There I was staring at a teeny weeny black one and a huge white one. It was like an episode of Myth Busters
Um I just overheard that the new guy spent a month in jail. Obvi another great hire.
The straight man in me wants to hit on her. But the gay man in me wants to compliment her on her awesome outfit.
Idk. Im in a bed. the walls are wood. There's a deer mount.. im afraid to turn over and see who's next to me but he's violently cuddly.
Is it some european holiday today? We both woke up to find loaves of bread in our rooms...
Okay. thanks for sacraficing your body and risking aids for our snowcone business.
When a man can't even pay attention to you when you're telling him about how big his penis is, there's something wrong
Found a girl that was gonna make out with 25 people for her 25th birthday. I was like #12. Made top half!
Turns out he has a 6pack too. Alright adorable snapchatting manwhore dude, you win.
I fucked your neighbor. Welcome to the new apartment!
FYI bail money is still in my drawer. I know you have no car but you need to know this for tomorrow.
Randomize
