He said he was from Mississippi and my vagina clamped shut like a frightened oyster
he just told me about his fetish for rubbing grape jelly on his penis.
Myspace is for pedophiles and tweakers in the 818 trying to hook up. I always forget theres music there too
I like daylight savings. I don't care if it's 4 oclock it's not daydrinking if it's dark out
seek help.
Im a photoshop master, i successfully reduced the size of the pupils of all the girls I made out last night with to prove they were not that drunk. So glad the camera goes home with me.
You tried to convince our cab driver that your $2 bill was worth $11.70
Being a responsible DD does not include attempting to coordinate a 4 taxi caravan to bar #3
When I like her vacation photos, it really means "Im sleeping with your boyfriend." wonder if she will make the connection.
I guess I could probably fit that in between deep self reflection and teenage mutant ninja turtles
We could make it cute. Like "oh those two cute lesbians who are about five foot two who sell the cocaine down the street. You know the ones? With the Yorkies?"
I only listened to his story about leaving the Amish community because I was hoping for a free drink
Lets play a game called: how out of it are you today? Let me know if you can beat driving on the wrong side of the road twice and walking up two extra flights of stairs just because you weren't paying attention to what floor you are on....
25 likes of a picture on Instagram of my butthole. beat that.
We played a 4 hour game of True American then we fucked on the floor for a couple hours Happy 20th to me
Had a moment of weakness, slept with my ex last night
So that's why our room smells like tequila and shame.
Randomize
