I walked into the garage and you were telling the bikes that you were not that drunk.
Is there a technical name for reverse cowgirl? I'm trying to maintain a little dignity with my mother here
The girl beside me at the laundromat is bitching a guy out on the phone for jizzing on her bedspread. She had to use a triple machine to wash it.
Drunk you assumed that me saying I thought squirrels were cute meant for you to trap one in my car by luring it in with ham. You're going to hell for this.
Why are there hooting douchebags outside my building? Did a sport happen again?
I saw a crackhead in a ballerina outfit riding a bike while waving her hands and one leg in the air. Never seen such talent in my life
You just wrote a check for drugs...pretty sure you don't have cash for beer..
it is a dangerous dangerous place where morals and dignity go to die and all your fantasies about men become reality.
Yeah. I asked if there was a finger in my ass at some point or if I had a weird dream. So far he hasn't responded
I just want every freshman guy to know about Grindr just so I can have more options
It's time to run my sex life like a basketball team. Got the lesson Clint!
He was peeing on the back wall of a building. He would have been okay if the building hadn't been a police station.
You missed the winter stoner olympics last night....I got the gold in blunt rolling
woke up on my floor using my jeans i wore out as a pillow
haha i wouldn't expect any less of you
The economy isn’t reopen until I can get drunk and motorboat fake tits at lunch on a Wednesday
Randomize
